Thomas Jefferson's 1st Draft of the Declaration of Independence

by Brad Einstein 48 minutes ago

The Declaration of Independence is a formative document in our Nation's history. Penned solely by Thomas Jefferson in 1774, it listed the grievances that the Colonials held towards King George and the British Empire. At least it did eventually.

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Dating, It's Complicated

Issue #7

by Jason Michaels 3 hours ago

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me at dating.itscomplicated[at]gmail.com!

In High School, a girl once dumped me by saying "I think I'm gonna date my neighbor instead."
-Anonymous

I had been dating a girl in college for about two months. One night on our way to dinner she told me that here parents were in town and that they were meeting us there. Being pretty good with parents, I was not too worried. Dinner went ok, and after we went to a movie. After buying a tub of popcorn, her mom opened a rain poncho and spread it over our four laps and dumped the popcorn out on it. We continued to eat trough style during the movie, as I stared down my date and she apologized over and over. I have never felt more like white trash in my life. We broke up a week later.
-Brian, Fl

The first time I had sex with my ex-boyfriend, when I lost my virginity, he asked me afterwards if I felt like a woman. I was going to laugh but saw he had a straight face. I still have no idea whether he was joking or not; I really, really hope he was.
-MJ

I walked in on my parents having sex when I was 5. I didn't know any better at the time, so they convinced me they were training for American Gladiators
-John B.

On a first date a girl told me: "I can't wait to get married so I can let myself go." There was no second date.
-Jon, UF

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The Girls of Summer

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Work Sucks, I Know

Issue #1

by Brian Murphy 6 hours ago

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

A drunk customer last night called my female co-worker "sir." I had to spend the next 2 hours reassuring this 50 year old woman that she didn't look manly (she does), and listen to her tell me over and over that she has tits.
- Anonymous

Once when I was interning for a state representative a constituent called and yelled at us because it wasn't raining enough. He thought the state should cloud seed over his neighborhood because all of their plants were dying.
- Amy, Southwestern University

I work at Best Buy, and the amount of UNBELIEVABLE stupid questions/requests that I get are borderline unforgivable to the point where I want to give up on humanity. Case in point, A guy walked up to me with a Canon ink cartridge, looked me dead in the eye, and asked if it was a webcam.
- Otto, School Not Given

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The Arm Wrestler

by Fatawesome 7 hours ago

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Samurai Baseball

This guy used to be the most famous sports here in Japan. Then he was banned for 50 games for using performance enhancing swords.

Brain Filler

12 Television Characters We Never See (Even Though They Were On TV)

by Jeff & Patrick yesterday

Since Samuel Beckett's "Waiting For Godot," the characters we don't see have been far more powerful than the ones we do. We've never seen Waiting For Godot and never go to the theater, so we looked at Wilson, Nanny, and 10 other TV personalities everyone knows, but nobody recognizes.

George Steinbrenner, Seinfeld

Many of TV's never-seen characters serve as omnipotent gurus whose baritone voices provide much-needed wisdom, like explaining to Tim why his wife's mental health is more important than the Detroit Auto Show. But nobody in Seinfeld's twisted New York was this rational -- not Jerry's neurotic best friends, not the fascist soup proprietor down the street, and certainly not the show's resident unseen force: New York Yankees owner (and boss of George Costanza) George Steinbrenner, whose nasally, scratchy voice (provided by series co-creator Larry David) offered George less advice, and more endless diatribes on the best place to sit in a hot tub and the many virtues of the calzone.

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See More: Brain Filler Seinfeld Cheers Fraiser Friends Home Improvement Dr Gadget Will Grace Degrassi Peanuts Married With Children Charlie Brown Charlie's Angels My Socalled Life Television

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Parents Just Don't Understand

7/1

by Susanna Wolff yesterday

Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?"
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!

Your parents' Pandora.

This is my aunt's Facebook status right now: Okay. I will call U.

Stephanie Peterson, Kennesaw State University

The other day my mom asked if youtube videos "expire" because one video she was watching didn't load all the way.

k Funk

From the other room I just heard my mother shout out in frustration, "I so suck at clip art!"

Bryan S, F&M

My mom just got a new cell phone. She was setting up her voicemail on it and wanted to see if she did it correctly so she asked me to call her. I called her phone and she picked up so I told her to just let it go to voicemail. She said OK. I called back and she picked up again. This happened two more times until I took the phone away from her.
Kyle Kuhn, Ohio State

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The Graphic Truth

The Tanner You Get

by CH Staff yesterday

How healthy you look
Spontaneous combustion
DJ, Stephanie, Michelle
Uncle Joey
Number of Bauhaus songs on your iPod
Life expectancy
Closeness to the equator
Closeness to Long Island

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Serious Lunch

Serious Lunch has been making comedy together for years, and as a result has one of the largest video libraries on the web. Not only that, but the group's blog made headlines last month when they were the first to point out how much Conan's new backdrop resembled Super Mario. You can watch all of their videos by clicking 'see more', but we particularly love Bad Boy in Class and For Your Eyes Only.